Published on Brides.com on July 12, 2016 by Jillian Kramer
Wedding planning is stressful, and it can make an otherwise rational and kind guy or gal say something they’ll regret on the road to the big day. With that in mind, here are eight things you should never say to your significant other, from experts who’ve seen these otherwise innocuous phrases go terribly awry.
1. “You always …”
According to Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events and co-founder of The Poppy Group,, this is a bad way to start any sentence during the wedding planning process. “This comment starts with blaming word,” she says. “It makes assumptions about what the other person wants or might want. Listening before assuming what your future spouse might want is essential. Consider that your fiance may have a thought that surprises you.”
2. “Your parents are driving me crazy.”
You feel like can tell your partner everything. “But speaking negatively about his or her parents and family is a big no-no,” warns Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Philadelphia-based Two Little Birds Planning. “Even if your love is complaining about his folks, don’t join in and criticize his family. This can lead to a quick fight with your fiancé since we instinctively feel defensive of our own family. If family is a topic of discussion, it’s important to be respectful.”
3. “I don’t care what you think about …”
You swoon for peonies, but for some reason, your partner can’t stand them. That’s A-OK, Nichols says. “But what’s not OK is to dismiss the other person’s opinion,” she says, with a comment that tells your partner you could care less. Instead, “listen, compromise, and make a mutual decision,” she suggests.
4. “You’re overreacting. Relax.”
Just because your partner is overreacting doesn’t mean you can or should call him or her out on it. “Telling him or her to relax will actually have the opposite effect, because it is diminishing the way he or she feels,” Fisher explains. “Instead, you should acknowledge and respect his or her feelings, then work together to come up with a solution to the problem.”
5. “No, you’re not having that.”
Perhaps you have your heart set on designer shoes for the big day, but your partner can’t justify the expense on your budget, so he gives you a hard-no. “This absolute-no mindset in wedding planning can be detrimental to your relationship as well as the success of the wedding planning process,” warns Nichols. “Try to come up with ways that both partners are able to receive what they’d like for the wedding day.”
6. “My ex …”
In the same way you really shouldn’t invite your ex to the wedding (except for special circumstances), you shouldn’t really mention his or her name while you’re planning your wedding with your current love. “Bringing up your ex during wedding planning is a sure-fire way to upset your partner,” says Fisher. “It shows that you’re still thinking about him or her, instead of focusing on the future.”
7. “You decide.”
According to Nichols, “Apathy in wedding planning always leads to disagreement,” and that’s especially true if you say the words “you decide” following a big-day disagreement. After all, when you really want someone’s opinion, this is the last thing you want to hear. “Change your mindset to ‘we decide,’ and keep talking it through until you can come to some kind of resolution,” suggests Nichols.
8. “Why are you so emotional?”
“Wedding planning is a really emotional time,” says Fisher. And asking your partner why he or she is feeling all the feelings, she says, “is only going to make it worse and will probably lead to an easily avoidable argument. Start by offering comfort, then a sensitive approach to find out what’s truly wrong.”